Posted in blog

my struggle with eating (lite): lent day 2

Hi.

I have an eating disorder.

It still feels weird to say. Yes, I am recovering from Anorexia Nervosa, meaning my relationship with food is what one would call, “not great.” I have always had a very small appetite, but when I was 13, I developed my eating disorder– only, I didn’t acknowledge it as one until I was 15-16. Eating has always just been hard for me.

Being a vegetarian didn’t help in the early years as I could just claim there was no vegetarian option and I would eat later…which I never did.  As I got older, vegetarianism actually became a major part of my recovery as eating didn’t harm another creature and I had to learn it wouldn’t harm myself either.

Being vegan for lent may be a challenge, but one I know I can overcome.

What I may not be able to overcome is my anxiety over a date I have tonight. We’re going out to eat, a thing I have never done on a date. I mean, yes, my ex-boyfriend and I did eat, but it was always takeout or drive-thru. Nothing major. This is a sit-down, eat dinner, and keep up a conversation date. I don’t know how prepared I am for that. In fact, I don’t even know how prepared I am to go on this date in general, but that’s another story.

Long story short: I wrote this post because I got really anxious and looked up every Indian food restaurant in the Mission District to figure out where we were going and what I’m going to order so I don’t have a panic attack at the restaurant.

Wish me luck?

ej.

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