Take a shot for every post I start with “Long time, no talk” or “It’s been a while” or even worse, the dreaded “I’m back!”
All jokes aside, last time we talked, I was aiming for this year to be a refresh. Prioritizing my mental health was a goal from the very start of 2022, and in a lot of ways, I did keep my mental health at the forefront. It hadn’t felt like it though, not until recently.
In February, I started looking for a new job that would be less detrimental to my mental health; somehow, I ended up in a more harmful environment. Normally, I can tough anything out but being burnt out and at my wit’s end in the restaurant industry, I quit with no backup plan. That has been insane. I’ve been unemployed for about 3 months; in that time, I have finished my Undergrad degree, hung out with my friends I hadn’t seen in a while, went on vacation with my boyfriend, went to my friend’s wedding in Vegas, then was a bridesmaid in another friend’s wedding in the mountains, got back into reading, and am on track to move in with my boyfriend, best friend, and his boyfriend.
It was a good 3 months on paper. For every good thing, though, there were days and days of self-doubt and fear. Fear of not being good enough, of wasting my time and money on a degree with no clear career path, fear of being stuck serving. Within the last few weeks, I miraculously felt like myself again. I was hanging out with my friends and going to the park and reading what I want, but most importantly I wasn’t worried about the future. Now, I’m excited for what’s coming.
Next up in my life is more posts!!! Before you say it, I know it’s like saying Macbeth in a theater. But I really have missed writing, whether or not it is on brand content-wise. God, writing was my sanctuary for most of my life. I would write through my frustrations, my heartache, my joy. Now? I write out of guilt that I hadn’t been writing. That isn’t the life I want for myself. I deserve the joy I once had.
I’m 22, I’m a first generation college graduate, I’m completely in love, and I want to have fun. And, starting this summer, I will.
Yes, I am going to be working 2 jobs, and no, they will not be anything that thrills me, but they don’t need to be. I’m not looking to be fulfilled in life through my job (ever really but right now specifically). What I’m looking for, I’ve realized, is for my job to simply fund the life I want for myself.
Wish me good luck charlie.
Talk soon (for real this time).